I woke in a strange mood. I felt tired but had slept perfectly well.

I’d had a lot of difficulty deciding whether to visit the Yucatan ruins of Chichen Itza and Tulum and then head into Belize and ‘do’ the Tikal ruins in Guatemala or just head straight south into Guatemala missing all the sites.

The Yucatan route would take at least another week or ten days so I’d be getting to South America that much later and that much poorer.

I finally decided to go to Yucatan because I’d like to see the ruins and it would probably be my last chance of getting my clutch checked out at a KTM dealer for a while.

I left Palenque at just after eight and set off north.

I knew I was unhappy about something but I didn’t know what it was. I also realised I wasn’t concentrating very well so went slower than usual.

The further I went the more unsettled I felt.

I then decided it was a hell of a long way to go just to see two more ruins. I had severely over done the Roman ruins around the Mediterranean on a previous trip and didn’t want to repeat the mistake with the Mayan ones.

At what was supposed to be one of the most spectacular sites, Diana’s Temple, which had amazing views from it’s hillside location, I ‘did’ it in fifteen minutes.

‘ Ok, lots of the usual columns, nice view’. Click. Gone.

I’d taken my clutch lever off the previous night and had seen that there was no fluid leaking from the main seal so it was probably fine. It was simply my normal paranoia about something going wrong.

So why was I going north to Yucatan?

I stopped and looked at my map. If I went back towards San Cristobal I could then cut across and join the Pan American Highway into Guatemala. I’d picked up a brochure in my hotel that had views of Lake Atitlan and Antigua. Both looked amazing. I therefore decided to abandon Yucatan and head straight for Guatemala.

I turned around and went back through Palenque. I still felt a bit strange so I was still riding slowly.

After a brief respite I felt even worse than before. I felt like I wanted to cry. I was on one of the really windy sections of road and stopped as soon as I could.

I got out my map and stared at it.

Continue to Guatemala?

Back again and go north to Yucatan?

I couldn’t make up my mind at all.

Normally if I feel like crying a good sob works wonders and feeling refreshed and renewed I can carry on. Today it just wasn’t happening.

I sometimes find I know I am uneasy or upset about something but do not know what it is. It can take me days to what out what the problem is. As soon as I realise it the anxiety just disappears.

Not today.

I kept staring at the map waiting for inspiration.

Then a thought hit me.

I was worried about spending all my savings.

Before I left the UK I realised I didn’t have very much money for this trip so I transferred half my savings into my bank account. I’d been living off it since the beginning of the year. The last time I checked my bank account a fair chunk had gone and a cheque to the tax man was going to reduce it to about half the original amount.

I’d realised for quite a while this wouldn’t be enough so I would have to use all of my money.

This was what I was worried about.

Previously I’d always dismissed the thought by telling myself I can easily get another job and replenish my savings. But now, as the moment where I’d be committed to spending it all approached I was really uncomfortable.

Whilst I may indeed be able to get another job I really did not like the idea of having absolutely no money behind me.

I had noticed that the lack of funds was making me hurry but had dismissed that too. I was riding faster (which was not a good idea) and I wasn’t stopping to take as many photos as I usually would. I’ve always realised my photo count is a great indicator of how much I’m enjoying myself.

What was I going to do?

I couldn’t stand by the side of the road for ever, I had to make a decision.

I knew I’d feel a lot more secure if I returned with a fuller bank balance and left my savings intact. I therefore decided to return for Mexico, fly home, get another job and return as soon as possible.

Feeling relieved I immediately started planning my return trip. What changes I’d make to the bike and to my packing list.

After a few miles two motorbikes passed me going the other way. We waved to each other and I slowed down hoping they’d stop.

They didn’t show any signs of slowing down so I turned round. I caught them up a few miles later and they pulled into to where I’d spent many indecisive minutes gazing at my map.

They were an Austrian couple on their way to Panama from Vancouver via Alaska. We chatted for a while and they mentioned they’d met another Brit biker in Palenque who was heading for Chichen Itza. Apparently he said there were several bikes ahead of him, all headed south.

I felt a wave of relief. I’d join up with them and head south as well.

Then I felt a familiar feeling. This is exactly what happened at the end of my African trip. I’d already realised I’d had enough about a month ago but then met another biker in Nairobi. He had re-ignited my desire so I’d decided to continue my trip into Ethiopia and onwards to London.

However, after only another week when I’d arrived in Marsabit, 300km from the Ethiopian border, I’d realised I’d really had enough as the ‘wow’ factor had gone. I wasn’t enjoying myself anymore. I’d see an amazing sight but instead of thinking ‘Wow’ and reaching for my camera I’d just think ‘Oh yeah, another amazing sight’ and carry on.

I knew if I met up with them the same thing would happen. It would only delay the end result and wouldn’t fill up my bank account. I’d still be worried about my money.

I returned to Palenque four hours after leaving it for lunch. I didn’t feel very hungry and only ate half my omelette.

I wondered if this was another of the ‘Feel the fear and do it anyway’ scenarios and was simply a test of my resolve.

I wasn’t doing too well at the moment.

My decision made I set off for Mexico City. I reached Acayucan in the early evening and checked into an hotel.

I started to feel very sad and a little depressed and also a bit of a failure. I have wanted to visit The Galapagos and Easter Islands, Macchu Picchu, and to just be in Peru for years.

Wouldn’t it be better to return to England, get more cash and return next year and travel as I wished to rather than had to?

I decided to sleep on it and see how I felt in the morning.

It was at that moment I looked at my mobile phone.

The screen said ‘1 missed call’.

It was Cecilia who I’d met in Valle de Bravo.

I called her and she said she’d been wondering how I was getting on. I said I was really depressed as I’d decided to return to London because I didn’t want to spend all my savings.

We chatted for a while and she sowed the seeds of another decision, yet another plan.

I also called my best friends, the Cuffes of Connecticut, with whom I’d stayed before I started this trip.

The message was the same.

It certainly seemed silly to give up now when I actually had the money and was already close to and on my way to South America.

I also realised that this was entirely different to my Marsabit experience. Then I’d been on the road for eight months and wasn’t enjoying myself anymore. I was really enjoying myself now, it was simply the money I was worried about.

I’d get another job when I get home and replenish my savings then. I’d already realised how frustrated I’d feel in London if I did go back now when the money was simply sitting there waiting to be spent.

What else can I do with it?