I thought the Americas would be quite a bit cooler than Africa so I was thinking about getting some warmer, leather trousers. I still had the convertible jeans with hip protection I’d worn on my previous trip so a new pair weren’t exactly high on my list. I’d been vaguely looking for straight cut leather jeans over the previous weeks but hadn’t seen any at all. So, with two days to go before I left the UK I started to look.

The first thing that came up on Google was ‘Ultimate Leather’. A quick investigation showed they made ladies and men’s’ clothes ranging from full length bespoke coats, through bodices to straight cut jeans. The only fly in the ointment was they had a buttoned rather than a zipped front.

I called up and arranged to go round straight away to meet Victoria.

Her premises were down a small alley above a joinery. As I entered the work-room there were leather off cuts strewn over the floor, designs on the walls and a little shrine to Audrey Hepburn. At the end of the room were two low, leather sofas.

She greeted me warmly and showed me her trousers. The soft ones were really very supple, very thin and aimed at looking cool rather than for bikers. However, she did have one pair that were thicker than the others (and consequently, perhaps harder to shift) which were much more what I had in mind.

She looked at my waist and said I was a thirty-two. I may have been several many years ago but now thought I was a definite thirty-three may be even a bit more. She said the thirty fours would swamp me. I grabbed a pair of the thirty fours anyway and we went next door to try them on.

There was no changing room so I’d have to drop my trousers in the middle of the room. Dave, her trainee, had tactfully left the room a few minutes earlier. I took my trousers off and pulled the thirty two’s up to my waist. They were rather tight.

'There should be at least a one inch gap at the top when they’re new’ said Victoria.

'They’ll take several sessions to stretch and wear in but will stop stretching after that’.

I bent my knees to see how tight they were around my legs.

'Until they’re worn in you need to hitch them up above your knees when you sit down to stop them pulling - it will also preserve the shape.’

Seemed to make sense to me. That just left doing up my fly buttons.

'Ok, I’ll do the bottom two up and you can do the rest’, said Victoria.

I was a bit surprised. Exactly how was she going to do the bottom buttons up?

With no more ado she knelt on the ground before me and pulled the lowest button towards it’s hole.

'You haven’t got the best underwear on’ she said, moving a bit of my boxers out the way.

Still kneeling she then said a bit of rearrangement was required and gently slid one of my balls from one side to the other.

'Whoa what’s going on here? I thought, swiftly followed by several other thoughts and ending with ‘What will she do next?’.

The answer was that she moved my willy to a new position.

'It was in the way’ she explained.

'Oh well that it makes it alright then’ I thought.

Victoria did up the lower two buttons and I did the others. The jeans were tight but not painfully so. I also remembered from my first pair of biking leathers that they would stretch quite a bit.

On relating this story to a friend that night she asked if I bought them?

'But of course!'

Personally, I wondered how many repeat customers she had.